Searching for Internal Apocalypse

As I consider setting my goals for the year, I’m thinking about changing things, as many of us do at this time of year. I wonder if changing how I set my goals, or which goals I set will change my outcomes. I’m also trying to consider new possibilities and paths that I haven’t considered before.

Essentially, I’m trying to bring about my own mini-apocalypse.

Last year was not the easiest year for me. Here I thought I’d have sent out hundreds of queries, and turns out it was more like 39 … I’m actually quite disappointed with that (oh, and the fact that they didn’t garner the end-result I want, of course). I also discovered what I consider a major flaw in my writing, and which knocked me back and left me whacking my head in a “duh!” moment that lasted a few weeks … okay, maybe a month.

But let’s face it: what year was ever actually easy? For you? Me? Anyone?

And if it was, is that how we’d want it to be? Because if everything is cheery and wonderful, what pushes us to learn? What pushes us to choose different paths? To grow, improve? Easy and happy is great – and if we look back at even the hardest years, there are usually a few things that make the year a good one, things we can be grateful for. But life is about more than just being happy, isn’t it?

It’s about the apocalypse in your perfectly ordered world that blows everything to smithereens … and most importantly, allows you to rise from the ashes. Yes, you’re bruised, bleeding, maybe smoking a bit, but you’re also stronger, wiser, changed.

And ready to attack 2013 with a vengeance.

Easy and happy would have left you fat and satiated, but pink and too vulnerable, an infant. And less grateful for the happy that there was, appreciative of the sweet and delectable amongst the bitter and charred. Even if it wasn’t that bad, whatever you learned from, grew out of, was probably not easy. But growth and change isn’t always easy.

Or maybe that’s just me.

What do you think?

Thanks for reading, and have a great week.

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